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My name is Joshua Pauley.  And I am loved.

This posting was originally supposed to be about my training philosophy and what my plans for the spring are, but that is not what I am going to talk about today.  There’s plenty of time to talk about training. That post will come later. Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe Wednesday.  Maybe next week.

Last week I came out to the world that I was hanging up my spikes to run the trails.  To brave the world of ultras.  To be honest I got completely mixed results. 

Some scoffed at the idea.  Some people told me things I already knew:

“It won’t be easy. The people at the top are really good.”

“You’re going to have to train fast. It’s not just mileage.”

Some were a bit negative:

“You’re going to get rocked”

Some were positive:

“I’m so proud of you. I know you’re going to do big things.”

“Congratulations. And welcome to the world of trails.”

I was a little taken aback by some of the things that were said about my Christian views.  But I am going to stand by my beliefs.  Things could always be worse.  Some people are dying for saying the things about Jesus that I say….so it could be much worse.

What an interesting world we live in. Because through all of that, I don’t know if I have ever felt more loved.  Sure, the positive comments and the welcoming from elite runners was great.  It is easy to feel loved then. 

It is easy to feel loved when you are being brought down but someone reminds you of your strengths. That is easy.

But I was completely shell shocked when people begged for me to stay.  People that I always took for granted.  People that I care about and vice versa care about me.  When these people tried to talk me out of this decision I could see in their eyes they love me. 

One guy in particular brought this home for me.  I was sitting at my desk in the library where I work.  We have not always gotten along, but things have gotten better this past semester.  He gave me the usual lines about me needing to do track.  But then he changed directions.

He made it not about myself.  But about him. He made it about his genuine excitement to see me run fast on the track.  He made it about his genuine love of his teammates who he feels need me around.  I could see in his eyes he believed in every word he said.  Someone who I thought never gave me a second thought was here pleading for me to run track because he wanted to see me run.  He wanted to be a part of my life. 

I had no response for him.  I emailed Jake and told him about this shocking turn of events.  And all he said was, “It is called love. It was his one word to describe the team."

Three weeks ago in a team meeting were asked to state what the team meant to us in one word.  And his word was “love.” I see that now without a doubt. 

My friend left me sitting in my thoughts.  The library was almost empty and a storm was whirling outside.  But I sat there with my own thoughts whirling about my head. 

I hope that through my new adventures I will be able to show the people I come across the love that has been shown to me.  That only seems fair.  And may my actions speak louder than any words that can be said. 

I am going to stick to my guns and go the path that I have chosen. Pocahontas struggled with which path to take.  But eventually she chose and that is what I am doing as well. Hopefully there won’t be a war that breaks out over the situation (lets be honest - she didn't manage things very well).  But I am ok if woodland creatures breakout into song with me….gosh I love Disney movies…

 

 Whatever tags I am given.  Whatever words that are said to me, whether of encouragement or negativity.  I will always be loved.  And I will always carry on. 

~Bump the Lamp,

  Joshua